I am still hanging onto you…

I do not know the reason why.

I just hold onto you because i just want to.

I just tell myself, everyone has their flaws, its normal, for u too.

Because i love you as my bestfriend and those things we have been through.

I still dont believe what people say about you because i stand by you.

But sometimes, do read me out. There is always a cause and effect. Be more sensitive to people around you.

Especially when you know something goes wrong.

However, at certain times when I know you tried, its enough.

Enough for me to know that you are still fighting for me.

Enough to know you are not giving up.

Enough to know, its hard for you yet you tried.

Assurance is one of the key thing to a rs or fs.

The lil things you do, though you think i do not care nor see, will still be noticed by me.

Will we hold on together? It all lies in our choice, isnt it?

 

 

Seriously

You dont know how disappointed I am in you nowdays.

Take the wed for example,

tue night: I asked u out to study, u just said u have something on with a church friend.

okay. I understand.

Wed came and aft lesson:

I asked where are u going and what bus are u taking.

Still you answered oh i am going bishan first.

Thinking that i shall accompany you take the bus to bishan at the same time i could grab my lunch & talk to you to know how you have been.

When we are about to reach then you tell me u are studying at bishan cc with ya friend and ask me if i would want to join.

My heart came crashing. Yes. At least u asked better than you never.

BUT THE THING IS, WHY YOU TOOK SO LONG JUST TO TELL ME YOU ARE ACTUALLY STUDYING WITH A FRIEND?

Is it really something so hideous? so secretive? I dont understand.

My grades are fucking more CMI than yours.

Why are you doing this to me?

the main point is i still treat you like my bestfriend.

Now i feel like a fool.

The stupidest person at the moment.

Things have changed. I no longer hope you will be there for me.

I dont want to make things big. I dont want to add on to ya burden.

Think of what i have done when you are down.

Did i not do anything? Did i just let u go down?

Did i get angry with u being late all the time? skipping lesson wen u dont feel like it and i have to attend it all on my own? NO.

Because i try to understand you, try to treat you like my bestfriend even though you are oblivious to my feelings.

Is it fair for u to treat me lyktt?

Maybe i am not doing enough for you.

I think i am not even needed now.

If only wordpress could reply me, then i will know what i should do. )’:

If you

never gonna let someone into your heart,

no one will ever understand you.

Same thing goes for your mind.

The phobia

of facing you. ever again.

I hate going this again. the heartache. ))))))))))))):

Sometimes i wish i never existed.

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Emotions overwhelming

I m having this feeling of anger, sadness, miserable & hatred(smtg I nv have before) in me. More of disliking myself alot.
So gonna give up on everytg soon. Soon soon. Hate it. Hate me for the time being for feeling lyk this. And gonna dwell in my own thoughts. Seriously don’t care don’t bother don’t think don’t expect is a good way to live a happier life.

Had a great time

With N,M,S,PQ,P,WT, though it’s just to have a short dinner.

Life hasnt been so fun after the last hang out with everyone at Hardrock Cafe.

Lets go catch some soffty soon ((:

I dont know man.

It’s like I thought we are alright already?

Nothing come across my mind…everything was like normal to me.

I sincerely hope for the best, i was minding my own business and this came about.

I dont get it seriously.

When today comes this temperamental part.

Like I am irritating? WTH.

First is nice, second is rude attitude.

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG LA!

Like split personality change. so weird!

PLUS I didnt even do anything AT ALL.

(maybe not the first time or am i paranoid? Nope, third party can see that as well, so its well proven i am not)

You changed. A lot. You are even the least expected person on my list to change.

I jolly well know the reason why. But i have no rights to comment. Lest someone thinks that i am trying to stir trouble.

It’s not that i am afraid. I am never afraid of anyone because i didnt do anything wrong.

I just wanna make myself stay out of the boundary, when ppl can pull me in as if i spoilt the rs when i did not.

With all your naked eyes, please look closer who spoilt it. With all your naked eyes,please look who is the right friend to  standby with.

Are you gonna just stick to your friend, even though he/she is wrong? Or are you gonna let the person know what he/she did is wrong?

Standby friends who did wrong, is the most silliest thing to do because that will be showing everyone that you are not rational too.

Most truthful friends are those who dare to voice opinion and change you for the better, guide u to the right path. Thats then true friends.

People can go around spreading bad things about me. Who cares. My conscience is clear.

I am not afraid of you like everybody else.

I can say it right now that i changed too.

My tolerance level is low now. I admit that.

But do you how much i tolerate for your sake? NO.

I rather you tell me things. I rather u asked me if you are in doubt.

There is nothing to hide.

Why do you need time? time for?

To tell me u dont need me as best?

Time to tell me things? (then it will probably be too late)

I guess I can probably see it through ya conduct.

Needless to say, i understand. I wont stay either.

Better off like that for both of us.

You wont have so much things to consider about.

Go on.

Who is there when you needed someone? A ghost?

For all these years, nothing is much more impt than your love.

For all these years of fs, our journey through teens, our memories will always stay as lovely memories.

Its true. Boyfriend can stay forever, maybe even become your future.

For me? As bestfriend? I cant stay forever yup and perhaps in your eyes, i dont deserve even a single fair treatment from you.

So, what’s the point for me to stay? There is no reason.

At this point of time, i still wanna say i really wish all the best for both.

Somebody won. Be glad huh.

Because i give up.

Certain things even 1000000 proves and evidence, is never enough to change your mind.

Unless you feel it yourself.

I used to shed my tears, lack of sleep just because u are my best.

Maybe i am not good enough. Nearly 8 yrs of fs, is not good enough to prove you that i am worthy of you as best.

It’s okay. its okay. its okay.

Dont need to explain. I understand.

I just hope at least, i can survive well this year.

i thought i can manage it.

everybody thinks that i am happy doing that?

NO.

Once i say it, i know what will happen. I knew it.

But now it hurts so much. Doubly much.

Seriously do u realize that i risk saying that?

Because i risk it for you.

i dont say that to make things worse.

I say it for both best interest.

I also know its inevitable for fup crap to come in.

But i didnt expect wat crude remarks i ve got.

If u really read what someone wrote, how wonderful.

Maybe i can tell u. Someone WON.

First class. Attitude good. People on ya side. Best Bf in the whole world. Best friend in the world.

Delete all the evidence. Make people think that i am the bad guy.

Seriously, what more can i ask from, from people like you.

Now i finally understood the existence of you this kinda person.

Karma will bestow who ? Me?

Act, disappointed to see someone actually kinda betrayed u.

Do u uds how miserable am i?

No. cause i just kept it inside.

Receiving criticism is alright. When someone disppoint u twice, its not.

I just held it in. When i saw people close that wanna comfort me.

I almost cldnt bear with holding.

No, i am no longer a kid. I cant cry it out.

Maybe  i can only when i am alone.

Thanks to those  who care.

But i am giving up.

I am not needed you see…

I stay for what, only to make things worse.

I am here for what, when u have tons of friends.

Twice is enough. I cant take it.

I keep losing things nowadays, maybe losing anthr one is inevitable.

As long as you are happy, i will give u all my blessing.

People used to call us twins.

I come to think of it, i think i lost my twin ):

I thought i didnt, but now i think i did.

And i am fucking upset abt it. But who cares?

Now i dont know how to go to sch with a brave front and a happy face.

I would love to be alone. Just like what someone said.

I am also selfish now.

I know how hard u tried. I know how diff. the situation u are in.

I will make things easier.

By choosing for you.

Losing a bestfriend is better than losing a companion for a lifetime.

This time round he is absolutely right.

Fup

When ppl didnt know my grandma was having a tough time operating in hospital.

I was at the hospital everyday. I love my grandma that’s why.

Do u think i will lose my focus during exam?

No. Because no one understand what i have been going through during the exam period.

No one. So if somebody dont know, dont comment.